To my 20-year old self,
First off: Smile. This is one of the best years of your life. You’re young and you’re free. You may feel stuck where you’re currently in, but you’ll soon find the courage to get out of there. And once you are, you will enjoy every bit of what it’s like to remove toxins from your system.
You and your best friend will be closer than ever. You will go to places you’ve never gone to before, without any care about how you’ll pay for everything. You will learn to stretch 500 bucks in 2 weeks. You’ll spend the entire summer jobless but with lots of adventure. Don’t ask me how, it was a big mystery to me, too. But you managed it.
You will forget about that guy who dumped you for no reason. No, he’s not gay. But let’s be honest, you were too emotionally scared the entire time you were together anyway. You didn’t really do much. You were too busy enjoying things, especially after college and after ending a 4-year relationship (Attagirl. Up to now, I am still proud of you. ❤). So stop drunk-texting your ex and move on.
A month after being unemployed & adventurous, you’ll find another job and shockingly, you’ll stay with that company for years. You’ll meet new people whom you can have deep conversations with, you’ll be better in stepping out of your comfort zone, you’ll have a more accepting circle of friends, and you’ll feel the butterflies in your stomach again.
You will meet someone and you’ll think he’s the one. You’ll start dating him and soon move in with him. Needless to say, your whole world will revolve around that person. He’ll make you want to not change anything in your life, because it might cause a conflict in your relationship. So you’ll think being stagnant is good because you’ll get to be with him.
But make no mistake, you will later find out that he is married. He’ll be exactly what your parents warned you about, but it will be too late for you to back out. You’ll be already in too deep, and I don’t mean to scare you but, he will break your heart so bad you will think you won’t recover anymore. He will hurt you, and want you back again. It will seem like a never-ending cycle— that is, until you put a stop to it. And you will. 😌 Because you love yourself. You know you deserve better than this– than being second best, than carrying his emotional baggage, than being let down. Yes, people will judge you, but when have you ever cared?
Now that you’ll be going back to singlehood, you might feel lonely. You must enjoy every second, though, because this will be the time that you’ll find yourself again. You’ll have 2 new friends, you’ll be promoted (yes, well, whaddayaknow), and you’ll learn how to live alone– literally, but that will be after a huge fight you and your best friend will have. (I’m sure you’re not worried reading that last part! You know how you guys are sometimes.)
It’s going to be a roller coaster ride, I guarantee you that. And just when you’ll think it’s all that, you’ll meet this one other guy. You won’t notice him at all at first, but you’ll slowly become friends. I want you to hold on to this moment because this is when you’ll experience the right kind of love. It’s gonna be crazy and exhausting– crazy exhausting! You will realize that you have never been in love– until this. The thought of you and this guy growing old together will be more vivid and more realistic. This will be the kind of love that you deserve.
Now, I might be wrong because that’s what’s happening in my present. But that’s what I’m very much sure of. Nonetheless, you will be happy. That I guess is what I really wanted to talk to you about: I wouldn’t be happy now if it weren’t for the things that you did and will do. You will help me transform into who I am now. Thank you for your courage, your emotional strength, your sarcasm, and your principles. Everything is going to be okay, li’l me. I am so excited for you.
So hang on tight. You’re in for a damn good ride.
25-year old me